Some of you may be thinking, “Here we go, again. Another book telling me how I should live my life. How to love God? Seriously? I love Him because I go to church every Sunday. I tithe faithfully. I volunteer at my church. I read my Bible whenever I get around to it. I sing worship songs. Isn’t that enough? I pray over my food and give money to homeless people. What more does God want from me? Why should I even bother loving God?”

What if you found out that God has a specific way He receives love? What if it’s outlined clearly in Scripture? What if your salvation is directly tied to loving God in the way He’s asked to be loved? Would you be interested then? Would you apply it to your daily life? Would you teach others how to love God biblically? This topic has been the driving force of my life.

More often than not, I’m driven by empathy. Trust me, I have selfish moments and sometimes struggle with selfish ambition. But my heart absolutely bleeds for people, especially for those who are taken advantage of. Years ago, while working as an Assistant Trainer for a leadership development company, my empathy reached an all-time high. As a highly logical person, it blew my mind that I could feel another person’s emotions from across the room, without them saying a word. I’d cry for them. Their pain became my own. Despite me getting in the way often, I want to help as many people as I can.

Empathy is often born from experience. Mine comes from a lifetime of loss, grief, addiction, abandonment, anxiety, depression, loneliness, suicidal ideation, and doubt. Pain has, unfortunately, been a close companion. My trauma-wired brain struggles to release old wounds because it thinks holding on will protect me from future ones. That mechanism extends suffering longer than necessary. But Jesus, and therapy, have been the catalysts of my healing and peace. I’m not who I want to be, but I’m far from who I used to be. More importantly, I’ve learned from my pain and now use it to help others. I used to face these battles alone, always wishing someone would walk beside me. Now, I strive to be that someone for others.

That same trauma also pushed me to rely heavily on logic. I want to understand everything, because my brain believes understanding protects me from pain. I often describe myself as a computer with emotions. The more I self-reflect, the more I realize fear is my default emotion, and I use logic to calm it. But that’s not all bad. My search for understanding has uncovered truths overlooked by many. Hence, this book. The more I understand, the more I’m held accountable for. The more knowledge I gain, the less innocent I feel. Ignorance truly is bliss. Maybe that’s why God didn’t want us to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, because knowledge strips away innocence. And maybe that’s why deep thinkers often struggle with depression. But I’ll save that for another book. My pursuit of understanding, combined with God’s guidance, led me to the insights you’ll read in this book.

What really ignites my empathy is witnessing people suffer unnecessarily, especially when I know I can help. I’ve lost count of how many churches I’ve attended, sermons I’ve heard, and pastors I’ve seen present grand spiritual promises from the pulpit without offering a practical roadmap on how to attain them. Many people genuinely seek God. They show up to church ready to follow instructions, but never receive them. In some cases, the one preaching doesn’t even have the instructions. You can’t give what you don’t possess.

Everything I have—wisdom, revelation, clarity—has been given by God. I didn’t write the Bible. This isn’t a new canon. God has simply allowed me to draw out conclusions from Scripture and present them in a simple, practical, easy-to-apply way.

Ironically, my original goal was to keep this book completely impersonal. I wanted it to be just about theology and instruction. Dry, but powerful. That was the plan. When I met with my literary agent, Don Pape, he said something that made me laugh. He told me, “I learned nothing about you from this manuscript.” That was the point, Don! But he challenged me to include my story because people retain truth better when it’s wrapped in a personal narrative. I guess that’s why Jesus often used parables.

Before we dive into how to love God, we must first ask a deeper question: Why should we love God?

The God of the universe came to Earth as a human, lived the life we could never live, died the death we deserved, and rose again to defeat death on our behalf. Hallelujah!

What’s most profound is not just what He did, but when He did it. He did it while we were still sinners. While we were His enemies. He gave His life for people who hated Him, and even for those who would never accept His sacrifice. That’s love. Do you think a God who loves you that deeply deserves your love in return?

Oddly, the question “How do we love God?” isn’t asked much in Christian circles. When it is asked, the responses received are all over the place. Some think there’s no wrong way to love God. But is that true?

If we don’t understand what it means to love God biblically, then we cannot honestly claim these promises for ourselves:

Hopefully, you’re already thinking differently. Hopefully, your desire to love God, not just in feeling but in truth, is growing. I pray you’ve opened this book with a willing heart, ready to challenge assumptions and grow. Christianity is far more than attending services, joining small groups, or volunteering for events. A deeper, more vibrant relationship with the living God is not only possible, it’s closer than you think.

Here’s the central thesis of this entire book: We love God through prayer.

Prayer is how we fulfill the greatest commandment, and every other commandment that follows. My hope is that this book reaches every Christian who wants to love God biblically, not culturally. This book is for the Christian who longs to go from knowing about God to knowing Him intimately. For the faithful churchgoer who lacks clear direction. For the ministry worker who defines their relationship with God by what they do for Him. For the theologian who equates memorized doctrine with spiritual maturity. For the believer overwhelmed by complex theology and craves something simple and clear. And for the well-meaning Christian with misplaced zeal, who thinks their purpose is to be used by God instead of simply being loved by Him.

My prayer is that this book leads you into a deeper, more intimate relationship with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

Because there is no greater purpose in this life.

Throughout His time on Earth, Jesus was asked many questions. But one in particular stood out for its weight and simplicity. A Jewish Rabbi once asked Him, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” (Matthew 22:36, NIV). Given the hundreds of commandments found throughout the Old Testament, the Rabbi was likely seeking clarity, hoping that if one commandment stood above the rest, he could focus on that and still be in right standing with God. Jesus, in His wisdom, gave a profound answer that simplified a complex system:

This command, to love God with every part of our being, is repeated in three Gospels (Matthew 22, Mark 12, and Luke 10) and originally appears in Deuteronomy 6:5 as part of the Shema, a foundational Jewish prayer. Luke’s account adds something critical: Jesus connects this commandment to inheriting eternal life. That connection raises the stakes. Loving God is not just noble, it’s essential.

In all the churches I’ve visited across the country, I’ve never heard a full sermon dedicated solely to the greatest commandment. That’s surprising. If Jesus Himself called it the greatest, shouldn’t we give it our greatest focus? Sermons on the Great Commission are abundant, likely because it gives us something to do. But the greatest commandment calls us to be. To dwell in relationship, not merely activity. For many, that’s more difficult. We’re conditioned to earn, to strive, to accomplish, yet God asks us to first abide, love, and surrender.

If loving God is the greatest commandment, it should be our highest priority. That means every Christian’s first and foremost responsibility is not mission work, church attendance, or service, but a vibrant, personal love for God. You might be thinking, “Of course I love God, I’m a Christian.” But the real question is: how do we love God? What does that look like in practical, daily life? Thankfully, God never commands something without also equipping us to carry it out.

At its core, obedience flows from love. We serve because we love. We follow because we love. We surrender because we love. As Jesus put it: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15).

Obedience flows from love.

Many people misread this verse as a transactional statement. “If I obey God, I’m proving my love.” But that actually reverses the order. True obedience is a byproduct of love. When we’re deeply in love, whether with God, a spouse, or a close friend, we want to please them. It’s not just about doing the right thing, but doing it with the right heart. God, who sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), is far more concerned with our motives than our motions.

Think back to your first school crush. Remember how you’d do anything to get their attention? Even things you disliked? That’s what love does; it motivates. When we become captivated by God’s love, when it saturates our thoughts and fills our hearts, our response becomes natural: we want to love Him back. That love becomes the fuel for living out His commandments.

And here’s the truth: God’s commandments are for our good. They’re not arbitrary rules, they’re protective boundaries. Like a loving parent, God gives commands to keep us from harm and guide us into blessing. Take, for instance, the command to abstain from sex outside of a heterosexual marriage. That’s not about restriction, it’s about protection: from emotional heartbreak, STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and a life of objectification. God isn’t being unfair, He’s being merciful.

Every command from God is born out of love. Just like a parent warns a child not to play in the street, God’s laws are rooted in His perspective, a perspective that sees the full picture. What seems like a “no” from God is often a deeper “yes” to life, health, and peace. As Isaiah 55:9 reminds us, His ways are higher than ours.

When our love for God is genuine, His commands no longer feel heavy. But if they do feel burdensome, it may be time to examine the state of our love. As Paul says, “Let love be genuine” (Romans 12:9). Love that is pressured or forced isn’t love at all. No healthy relationship can thrive under guilt and coercion — and our relationship with God is no different.

If we’re following commandments out of obligation, fear, or duty, then we’re missing the heart of the gospel. Love is the engine. When we love God, we naturally want to align our lives with His. And when we love God, we will love others, because people are made in His image.

Jesus tied the two together: “Love God… and love your neighbor.” Everything else, He said — the Law, the Prophets, all of it — hangs on these two commandments (Matthew 22:37–40). If we’re struggling to obey, the solution isn’t more effort; it’s more love.

Love is the essence of the Gospel. “For God so loved…” (John 3:16). “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35). “and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:2, NIV). That’s not poetic exaggeration. That’s divine truth. Without love, we are nothing.

Sometimes, we struggle to love God because we haven’t learned how to love people. If we don’t serve, sacrifice for, and humble ourselves toward others, how can we do it for God? “Whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” (1 John 4:20, NIV)

Having broken, unhealthy relationships with humans can lead to a broken, unhealthy relationship with God. If we don’t realize that relationships take time, we won’t give God time. If we don’t realize that relationships require intimacy, humility, and vulnerability, then we won’t be intimate, humble, and vulnerable with God. We typically have relationships with humans before we establish a relationship with God, so the healthier our earthly relationships are, the more we will understand what a healthy relationship with God requires.

So, how do we love God with everything: heart, mind, soul, and strength?

Heart: Love God with passion and desire. The heart is where our values lie. To love God with our heart means to delight in Him, to treasure Him, and to fully trust Him (Psalm 37:4; Proverbs 3:5; Matthew 6:21).

Mind: Love God with our thoughts and intellect. Our choices begin in the mind. Loving God with our mind means filling it with Scripture, truth, and the knowledge of Him. This renews our thinking and brings peace (Romans 12:2; Isaiah 26:3).

Soul: Love God with your essence; your identity and emotions. It means allowing love for God to become part of who you are, not just what you do. Our soul rejoices, thirsts, and rests in Him (Psalm 42:2; Psalm 62:1).

Strength: Love God with your effort, endurance, and energy. It’s about giving everything, no holding back, even when it’s difficult. Our strength comes from God, and He empowers us to love Him more (Isaiah 40:31).

And finally, consider Jesus’ chilling words in Matthew 7:22– 23:

The defining factor wasn’t activity, it was intimacy. He didn’t say, “You didn’t do enough.” He said, “I never knew you.”

That’s the key. To be known by God is to love Him deeply, personally, daily.

We know what we’re called to do: Love God with everything. The next step is learning how to do it and living it out with joy.

One of the most eye-opening things I’ve learned is that every person is truly unique. From fingerprints to personality, preferences to processing, we each receive and express things differently, including love. As a communicator, my role is to identify how each person best receives information and adapt accordingly. Love works the same way.

Take my wife, for instance. I can’t just love her the way I want to be loved. She’s her own person with her own emotional language. If I insist on loving her only on my terms, I’m not loving her at all; I’m controlling the relationship. True love seeks to understand and respond. If my desire is for my wife to feel loved, then I must discover what makes her feel most loved and consistently give her that. Love isn’t defined by our intent; it’s confirmed by how it’s received.

The same is true with God. We know we’re called to love Him, but how are we supposed to do that? How does God want to be loved?

Expressions of Love

There are five common expressions for how people give and receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, and quality time. Here’s a quick summary:

1. Words of Affirmation: compliments and verbal encouragement
2. Acts of Service: helping with tasks, serving in meaningful ways
3. Receiving Gifts: offering thoughtful, tangible symbols of love
4. Physical Touch: hugs, holding hands, physical closeness
5. Quality Time: undivided attention and meaningful moments

Believe it or not, God has an expression of love too. And discovering it is the key to building an authentic, vibrant relationship with Him. But before identifying what His expression of love is, let’s explore what it is not, based on Scripture.

Words of Affirmation

“...many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord’...” (Matthew 7:22). These individuals used the right title for Jesus, even repeated it. But Jesus responds, “Depart from me.” Simply calling God the right names, aka offering words of affirmation, is not enough. “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (Matthew 15:8, NIV). Lip service doesn’t equal love.

Acts of Service

“...did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?” (Matthew 7:22). This is the language of ministry: preaching, casting out demons, doing good works. In Greek, “ministry” (diakoneō) literally means “to serve.” Yet, despite all their service, Jesus again says, “Depart from me.” Acts of service, while important, are not God’s primary expression of love.

Receiving Gifts

“Sacrifices and offerings you have not desired...in burnt offerings and sin offerings you have taken no pleasure.” (Hebrews 10:5–6). Jesus quotes God’s heart here: “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” (Matthew 9:13). Hosea echoes it: “I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings” (Hosea 6:6, NLT). Gifts and offerings don’t move the heart of God if they replace relationship.

Physical Touch

This one is straightforward. We can’t physically touch God. That disqualifies this expression by default.

Quality Time

The word fellowship implies deep relational connection: shared time, trust, conversation, intimacy. Fellowship is spending time together. Scripture repeatedly tells us God desires fellowship with us. Quality time is the clear choice.

If we’re serious about loving God, we need to ask: Are we loving Him how He wants to be loved, or how we’re most comfortable expressing it? Are we showing affection that makes us feel spiritual, or giving God the kind of devotion that brings Him joy?

God has already told us what He desires: time with us. Not just attendance at church, not just words or works, but us. Our attention. Our presence. Our hearts.

True love is sacrificial. It isn’t about our convenience. It’s about the other person’s experience. If we love God, we’ll love Him on His terms. And that begins with time; real, intentional, undivided time.

This is God’s expression of love. Will we honor it?

The overarching goal of my life is to be an old man with unlimited stories to tell. For me, having a story for nearly every moment means I truly lived. I want to pass on wisdom, not just memories. I want to boast, not in arrogance, but in reflection, about the life I lived, the lessons I learned, and the legacy I left. What we boast in often reveals what we value most.

So, when it comes to our walk with Christ, what do we brag about? Our ministry? Our spiritual gifts? Our titles or achievements? The number of souls we’ve reached? Our tithing record?

God is clear: if you want to boast, boast that you understand and know Him. That should be our ultimate aim. Not wealth, not influence, not performance, but knowing God. Even the apostle Paul echoed this priority:

We can recognize a celebrity and claim to “know” them, especially if we’ve watched all their films or sports games. But if we approached them in public, they wouldn’t recognize us. Why? Because knowing about someone isn’t the same as knowing them personally and intimately. Many know of God, His works, and His reputation, but few know Him intimately. He is calling us beyond reputation into relationship.

Knowing of an athlete on TV, but no recognition in-person.

Adam Knew Eve

In Scripture, the word “know” (Hebrew: yada) signifies intimacy. The same word used to describe Adam and Eve’s sexual union is also used when God speaks of knowing us and desiring that we know Him.

In a similar fashion to how a man can intimately “know” a woman physically, we are called to intimately “know” God spiritually. The best definition of yada is “to know by experience”. God wants us to know Him not merely with head knowledge by reading the Scriptures, but instead He wants us to know Him intimately through experience.

Let’s get mature here for a second. When a man and a woman become intimate, the man is physically inside of the woman. It’s interesting that Jesus spoke of the Holy Spirit as such:

God designed everything on purpose, even the human body. For a woman to physically receive a man, she must be vulnerable and trusting. For us to spiritually allow God inside of us, we must also be vulnerable and trusting. In the same fashion that a man and a woman know each other and physically become one, God wants us to know Him to become one in spirit.

Time builds intimacy. That’s why God’s expression of love is quality time. Not rushed, distracted time—but focused, intentional time. Jesus modeled this:

Shutting the door reflects privacy and intimacy. Jesus Himself withdrew to be alone with the Father (Matthew 14:23). Intimacy takes place in secret, behind closed doors. That’s where trust is built, where hearts connect.

Relationship

Christians often say, “Christianity isn’t a religion, it’s a relationship.” But is that truly reflected in how we live? Let’s pause and examine what real relationships look like, starting with the ones we have here on Earth.

No relationship can survive without time. A marriage would wither if a husband and wife only connected for two hours a week on Sundays. So, how can we expect our relationship with God to flourish if that’s all the time we give Him? A healthy marriage is built on daily interaction, shared moments, and consistent presence. The same is true with God. The depth of our relationship is directly tied to the time we invest. And Jesus didn’t shy away from warning us when that investment begins to fade:

We must choose intimacy. Emotion fades, but investment builds connection. We were made in God’s image, and He exists in perpetual relationship: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Our deepest fulfillment comes from relationship, starting with God.

Sin damages intimacy. It creates distance. It’s not just rebellion; it’s relational infidelity. Isaiah 59:2 tells us sin separates us from God. If we want closeness, we must pursue holiness not from fear, but from love.

Intimates

God doesn’t play favorites, but He does have intimates. Those who dwell close. Those who prioritize Him.

Paul knew fellowship with God. So did John:

Even Jesus prioritized intimacy before ministry:

First came being with Him, then came doing for Him. Ministry without intimacy becomes performance. Religion. But intimacy fuels purpose.

God invited Moses into His presence for 40 days before giving the Law. Are you telling me that God couldn’t have given it to him on the first day? God wanted to be with him. Intimacy always precedes instruction. The same is true for us. However, we must be careful to not view intimacy with God as a means to get instructions, blessings, and more. That would be abusing God for results. Intimacy with Him is the prize.

To abide means to remain, stay, wait. It speaks of consistency. And through Jesus, the veil was torn (Hebrews 6:20), giving us 24/7 access to God’s presence. Not just for ministry, but for relationship.

Mary and Martha

There was a deeply significant moment in Scripture: two women who both loved Jesus, yet expressed that love in two very different ways:

Martha was consumed with ministry. Remember, ministry means to serve. She was flustered, distracted, and focused on preparing her home for Jesus’ arrival. From a human perspective, her actions seem admirable. Many Christians today would applaud her service and say she was doing the right thing. But in contrast, Mary chose something different. She sat at Jesus’ feet. She listened. She learned. She simply enjoyed being with Him. And to many, her choice might seem passive or even irresponsible. “What are you doing just sitting there? There’s work to do! Get moving!” But Jesus silenced all that noise with one clear statement: Mary had chosen what was better. She understood what mattered most.

That’s the heart of a lover. Desire reveals love. When we desire God for who He is, not what He gives, we truly love Him.

Mom

I’ve had many intimate encounters with God; one of which I’d like to share. My beautiful mother unfortunately passed away on June 5, 2020 to Covid-19. It tore me apart, it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Two weeks after she passed, I went to my prayer closet as per my routine. This time was different as God blessed me with a vision. I’ve only had a handful of visions in my life, but this one stood out the most.

I was sitting on the floor of my room praying when I was transported to a beach. I saw three chairs in front of me facing the water. I walked around the chairs to see my mother sitting in the middle, my grandfather to her left (he passed two days after my mother), and her best friend, Freddie, to her right. I hugged Freddie, gave my grandfather a high five, and when I came to my mother I dropped to my knees, placed my head on her lap, and began sobbing.

I told my mother how dearly I missed her. In real life, I had a pile of clothes in front of me on the floor. When I leaned forward on my mother’s lap in the vision, I also leaned forward in the physical and ended up leaning on that pile of clothes. I had one of my suit jackets at the top of the pile which had a special, nylon-like material. My mother would wear pants that were made of the same material all the time. When I put my head on my suit jacket, it literally felt like I was placing my head on my mother’s lap.

This vision was a way of saying goodbye to my mother and letting her know how much I missed her. It was also confirmation that my mother, grandfather, and Freddie were in Heaven. My mother never had a specific, distinct moment of salvation, so there was always some fear if my mother was saved or not. God allowed me to experience this vision, so I had confirmation of her final destination. Without this confirmation, I likely would’ve driven myself crazy for the rest of my life wondering about my mother’s afterlife.

I share this story as an example of what it means to be one of God’s intimates. I am no one special. I have merely spent countless hours alone and silent before God. This type of experience is available to every believer who consistently enters their prayer closet. God loves us down to the details. This is just one example of God’s expression of love towards me. He provided closure about my mother and gave me peace.

The Family of God

God could have called us servants, soldiers, or subjects. Instead, He calls us sons and daughters. Family. He didn’t just rescue us from sin; He restored us to Himself. We who were once God’s enemies and servants are now considered His friends (John 15:15).

Reconciliation isn’t just forgiveness. It’s restoration of closeness. We were estranged by sin, but Christ brought us near. Not for religion—for relationship.

When Christians proudly identify themselves as “God’s soldiers” in the “army of the Lord”, and boast about the things they do for God, they’ve missed the point. Think of an actual kingdom with an actual king. Soldiers fight on behalf of the king and the kingdom, but they never get to know the king themselves. They’re just there to follow orders. Guess who does get to know the king? His children. His sons and daughters. Only his children can enter the king’s private quarters and get to know him intimately. Soldiers do not have this luxury. This is why God calls us His children; so that we have the honor of getting to know Him, not merely doing things for Him.

To Know Me Is To Love Me

This phrase bridges two powerful truths: to truly know someone is to truly love them. Think about it, when we fall in love, what are we actually falling in love with? It’s not just a face or a feeling. We fall in love with a person’s character. Their mind. Their uniqueness. Their little quirks. Their voice, their mannerisms, the way they express themselves. But none of that can be known from a distance. It takes time. It takes presence. “To know me is to love me” implies that the deeper you look, the deeper the love grows. God is no different. The more we get to know Him, His heart, His wisdom, His nature, and His voice, the more we can’t help but love Him. Because He is just that amazing.

Reading about God is good. But experiencing Him transforms us. If we love Him only for what He does, our love will falter in quiet seasons. But if we love Him for who He is, that love remains unshaken.

Because He never changes.

I love effective communication. It’s such a great feeling when a person can completely articulate themselves and be completely understood by their audience. No questions, no confusion, and no miscommunication. Unfortunately, we as Christians use a lot of “churchy” terms that aren’t often explicitly defined. If something is not defined, it is assumed. And assumptions are a great way to get in trouble. Prayer is one of these terms where everyone assumes what it is, but let’s explicitly define it here.

Prayer has been practiced across cultures and religions for centuries, but at its core, it’s far more than ritual. My favorite definition of prayer is simple: communication with God. And I love that definition because it implies relationship. It implies mutual participation. Too often, we reduce prayer to a monologue; speaking at God, rattling off requests, ending with “in Jesus’ name,” and moving on with our day. But that’s not full communication. Full communication involves both talking and listening.

The kind of communication with God I long for is found in Acts 9:

This is the type of interaction every believer should desire: dialogue, not monologue. In that exchange, Ananias listened, responded, questioned, and listened again. That’s real communication. That’s prayer. And that level of intimacy is not reserved for spiritual elites. Every believer has access to that depth. Scripture isn’t a book of exceptions, it’s a book of examples. If God did it for Ananias, He can do it for you.

Listening

If prayer is communication, then listening is non-negotiable. We can’t claim we don’t hear God if we’re never quiet enough to listen. Scripture is clear:

Jesus said, “My sheep listen to my voice...” (John 10:27). His sheep don’t just talk, they listen. And as with any relationship, the more we listen, the more clearly we recognize the voice of the One we love. Start listening.

I was astounded the first time I looked up how many sects of Christianity exist. As of the date of this writing, Google estimates that there are over 45,000 denominations of Christianity globally. Mind-blowing. Obviously, there are many reasons and theories one can give for why this is so. Here are my thoughts:

Who we listen to is important. Who we listen to influences us. Christians are united when we’re all listening solely to the voice of God. My theory is that we have 45,000 sects of Christianity because we listen to every voice but God’s. We listen to others’ voices. We even listen to our own voice.

Our own understanding will always lead to confusion, pain, and conflict. When we abandon our understanding and solely rely on God’s voice to lead, guide, and teach (which isn’t easy), then we will obtain unity of the Spirit and have more unity in the body of Christ. There are also times when God’s instructions make no logical sense to our human brains (think of God telling Moses to part the Red Sea – not logical at all). It’s especially in these moments that we need to trust God’s perspective and logic above our own.

Let us follow the example of Samuel when he said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:10, NIV)

Prayer Closet

When Jesus taught about prayer, He emphasized privacy and presence:

This is where the concept of the “prayer closet” comes from. It doesn’t have to be a literal closet, it just needs to be a place of solitude, free from distraction, where you can give God your undivided attention. Bedrooms, cars, guest rooms, hotel corners; it doesn’t matter where, as long as it’s holy ground for you. The prayer closet is the foundation of your relationship with God. It’s the place where you build intimacy with Him, one quiet moment at a time.

The Modern-Day Tent of Meeting

In the Old Testament, intimacy with God was limited. Moses experienced it through the “Tent of Meeting”:

Thanks to Jesus, we no longer need to travel outside the camp. The veil is torn. The presence of God is available to every believer, every day. Your prayer closet is your Tent of Meeting. Alone with God. Face to face. Nothing is more sacred.

Old Testament saints would have given anything for the access you and I have now. Let’s not take it for granted.

Seeking God’s Face

There’s a difference between seeking God’s hand and seeking His face. Seeking His hand is asking for what He can give. Seeking His face is longing for who He is. One leads to entitlement. The other leads to intimacy.

In John 1:1, we read that “the Word was with God.” The Greek word ‘pros’ implies face-to-face communion. Jesus, eternally face-to-face with the Father. And we are invited into that same closeness.

Waiting on the Lord

God rarely works on our timeline. Waiting is part of intimacy. It’s part of trust.

The Hebrew word for “wait” (qavah) means to expect, to look for, to hope. Waiting isn’t passive, it’s expectant. It’s worship. And it’s in the waiting that we’re refined. Our waiting says, “God, You are worth my time.” I’ve heard it said that this “waiting” on God is like being a waiter in a restaurant doing things to serve God. ‘Qavah’ tells a different story. It’s not about doing things, it’s about waiting in our prayer closets.

Waiting cultivates patience. And waiting for someone is one of the clearest ways to show how much you value them. If your favorite celebrity told you they were coming over for dinner, and they happened to run late, how long would you wait? An hour? Two? Most of us would wait as long as it takes, out of excitement for who they are, seeing them face-to-face, and being in their presence. Now consider this: in our prayer closets, we have the privilege of waiting on the Creator of the universe. The God who holds all power. The God who loved us enough to die for us. Is He not worth waiting for? Let that sink in the next time you pray for five or ten minutes and feel like nothing is happening. The wait itself is worship. The waiting proves the worth.

The Fruit of the Spirit

When you evaluate the fruit of the Spirit, you will notice that they are all personality and character traits. All these personality traits equate to the character of Jesus. Christians are called to be little Christs and conformed to the image of Jesus (Romans 8:29). Therefore, our character should match Jesus’ character and be defined by the fruit of the Spirit.

Quite often, these character traits are likened unto actual fruit that grow on trees. Many pastors preach that these fruits will grow over time in the Christian’s life as they go through trials and tribulations. I’d like to offer an alternative perspective.

There is an older phrase that isn’t used much anymore. Back in the day, a man would refer to his child as “the fruit of my loins”. This phrase is even used in the Bible:

A child is conceived through the physical intimacy of a man and a woman. It is a 2-party system that involves both persons and therefore cannot be accomplished on one’s own. If we liken the fruit of the loins to the fruit of the Spirit, then a similar 2-party system is required. Being intimate with God the Holy Spirit will “conceive” and “birth” the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. In essence, intimacy with the Holy Spirit allows Him to “impregnate” us with the fruit of the Spirit.

It’s no coincidence that Paul instructs us in 2 Corinthians 13:14 to have “fellowship with the Holy Spirit”. The Greek word for fellowship as found in the New Testament is κοινωνία (koinōnia). Its definition is “partnership, participation, intercourse, or intimacy”. Therefore, Paul is instructing us to spiritual intimacy with the Holy Spirit. It’s amazing how God’s greatest commandment is calling us to love Him through intimate, quality time, and that intimacy births the fruit of the Spirit in our lives as a natural byproduct. This is exactly why God, in His infinite wisdom, prescribed loving Him as the greatest commandment because, truly, all else flows from it.

The second greatest commandment is to love others as ourselves. Guess what? Love is a fruit of the Spirit. If we follow our spiritual order of operations we are to: 1) Love God by spending intimate time with Him, 2) being intimate with God results in birthing the fruit of the Spirit (one of which is love), and 3) loving our neighbors as ourselves becomes easy because we are filled with God’s love from being consistently intimate with Him. This reminds me of another Bible verse, 2 Corinthians 11:3, which refers to “simplicity in Christ” because this process is truly simple. We are to show up, and God will do the rest, as always.

This concept is important because many Christians will beat themselves up when they’re not as loving, patient, etc. as they should be and vow to try harder the next time. If they were to follow our spiritual instructions and be consistently intimate with God, love would flow continuously and effortlessly, as well as the remaining fruit of the Spirit. In the same way that a woman cannot birth the fruit of the loins without the intimacy of a man, Christians cannot truly birth the fruit of the Spirit without spiritual intimacy with God the Holy Spirit.

Trying to produce the fruit of the Spirit through sheer willpower is like a woman trying to make herself pregnant, it’s impossible. Fruit doesn’t come by force; it comes by intimacy. Instead of straining to love more, be more patient, or exercise greater self-control, we should be retreating to our prayer closets and drawing closer to the Holy Spirit. The fruit isn’t the goal, intimacy is. The fruit is the byproduct. This is why the fruit of the Spirit is often absent or underdeveloped in the lives of many believers: we’ve been trying to manufacture what can only be conceived through communion. Let God be God. Our role is to be vulnerable, to be trusting, and to grant Him access to the innermost parts of our hearts. The closer we get to Him, the more naturally His nature grows in us. This is why it’s called the fruit of the Spirit, not the fruit of the Christian. It’s not ours to attain, but to simply receive.

Woman in frustration trying to make herself pregnant.

Burn Baby, Burn

Another beautiful benefit of the prayer closet is that it draws us closer to God. As we spend time with Him, we begin to trust Him more, and fall deeper in love with Him. The principle is simple: the more time you spend with someone, the closer you become. Scripture describes God as a consuming fire, and the closer we get to the fire, the more of our impurities are burned away. This is the most powerful way Christians become more like Jesus. Intimacy with God purifies us. It exposes and eliminates sin, pride, and bad habits. No sin can remain in the presence of God. Holiness isn’t about performance, it’s about proximity. When we stay in His presence, we lose the desire to sin, not out of fear, but because we’ve tasted something better.

Sin hinders our connection with God. It creates distance. But when you’ve experienced the warmth of His love and the power of His presence, nothing is worth getting in the way of that. This is how loving God leads to obeying His commands, not out of duty or obligation, but out of pure love. We want nothing to come between us. Because once you’ve had the best, you’re no longer interested in the rest.

What happened to sacrifices in the Old Testament? They were burned. When Paul tells us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, he’s telling us to get intimate with God’s holy fire in our prayer closets so that our flesh and sinful desires get burned away for His pleasure - to properly worship Him. Our job is to just sit there and burn.

You were created for this kind of relationship. You were created for fire. For fruit. For friendship with God.

And it all starts in the quiet.

In the closet.

In the conversation.

My time in Bible college was nothing short of transformative. We dove deep into Scripture: its origin, preservation, reliability, Hebrew, Greek, and beyond. One could devote a lifetime to this book and never exhaust its beauty or wisdom. As an analytical thinker, I was captivated by the way doctrine wove consistently across multiple books, authors, centuries, and continents. I already believed Jesus was real, but studying this masterfully unified collection of writings that all pointed to Him solidified that belief. It didn’t just capture my attention; it anchored my faith.

The Bible is essential to the Christian life. It’s the best-selling book of all time. We have it in countless languages and translations, with thousands of sermons, commentaries, and study guides available. And while many believers pride themselves on reading it cover to cover, memorizing verses, or even studying the original languages, we must pause and ask: do we love the Bible more than we love its Author?

Imagine reading an autobiography of the current President. You study it thoroughly, memorize quotes, fact-check the stories, and immerse yourself in the content. But does that mean you know the President? Of course not. You know about them. You know their past, reputation, and maybe even their public values. But if you showed up at the White House expecting to be let in based on your book knowledge alone, you’d be escorted out. Why? Because knowing about someone isn’t the same as knowing them. It never has been.

Jesus said this to the Pharisees, but it still rings true today. The Bible is not the final destination. It’s a guide that points us to the Author. It’s a collection of testimonies that should inspire us to seek our own. If we stop at reading the book and never go to the One it reveals, we’ve missed the entire point. It’s like owning a treasure map but never using it to find the treasure.

Picture a wedding. The bride and groom exchange vows, tears flow, and two become one. Now imagine the groom gives his bride a book filled with love letters and poems. She cherishes it, reads it daily, even memorizes parts. But she never actually spends time with her husband. He calls for her, reaches for her, but she’s so enamored with the book that she ignores his presence. Absurd, right? Yet, this is how many Christians treat the Bible. The Church is the bride of Christ. And while the Bible is a precious gift, it was always meant to lead us to intimacy with the gift-Giver.

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

One popular acronym for the Bible is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. If that’s true, then the Bible is an instruction manual. But what good is an instruction manual if we never apply it? Imagine buying a complex product, studying the manual, and never building the item. Even worse, imagine teaching classes on the manual without ever experiencing what it describes. That’s happening every day in churches and seminaries around the world. We know the book, but not the Person it reveals. The Bible is full of verses calling us into quality time with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The book exists because someone once got alone with God and wrote down what happened.

Job

Most scholars agree that Job is the oldest book in the Bible. Which means Job had no Bible. And yet, look at the things he knew about God:

How did Job know all of this? He experienced God. He had no written Scriptures to rely on. He heard directly from God’s mouth (Job 23:12), and later, God responded to him from the whirlwind (Job 38:1). The Church thrives in places where the Bible is illegal, not because the Bible isn’t valuable, but because the voice of God is not confined to ink and paper. God still speaks. He always has.

This isn’t a dismissal of Scripture. Far from it. The Bible is still our guide. It teaches us to test every spirit, lays out the structure for church life, and provides guardrails for theology. But Scripture is the skeleton. Relationship is the flesh. Experience brings the Bible to life. God will never contradict His Scripture, but He also never intended us to stop at the page. Reading about God is good. Experiencing Him is better.

God still speaks. And He wants to speak to you.

In your prayer closet. In the silence. In the intimacy.

Because His sheep hear His voice.

And follow.

One of the most common topics spoken from pulpits across America is ministry; what you can do for God. I even heard a pastor preach one time that “the best thing you can do in your life is full-time ministry.” Many pastors preach about God using people. But imagine sitting in the pews as the average churchgoer and hearing, “God wants to use you.” The natural response? “Well, my job already uses me. My family uses me. My spouse uses me. And now God wants to use me, too?” In a world where people are constantly drained, the idea of being “used” doesn’t sound like good news.

A man being used by his family and work, not wanting to be used by God.

Tissue is used. It’s blown into and thrown away. That’s what being used looks like; valuable only for a task, then discarded. When people are treated like things, they are devalued and dehumanized. People will often love you only as long as you are useful. Once your usefulness runs out, you’re replaced.

Now, imagine hearing instead, “God wants to love you.” That gets our attention. For God so loved the world. God desires to love us, to saturate us in His presence, to whisper life-giving words into our spirit, to welcome us as sons and daughters. Not just any children, but children He delights in. Children He cherishes. Children He comforts, heals, and extends unending grace and mercy to. That message is far more inviting than, “God wants to use you.”

Some might respond, “But what about the Great Commission?” It’s true that God commands us to make disciples. But the Great Commission is not the greatest commandment. The order matters. The first and greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The commission to make disciples comes after the commandment to love God. Ministry must be birthed from intimacy. Otherwise, it’s hollow.

Yes, God has created us for good works (Ephesians 2:10), but those works are to be an overflow of relationship, not a substitute for it. Ministry that is not rooted in intimacy will eventually burn out, mislead, or become self-glorifying. God calls us first to Himself, then He may call us to others. And He does so in His timing.

God’s timing is always precise. Scripture reminds us again and again:

Telling God, “Your will be done,” includes saying, “Your will be done on Your timing.” Too many believers see the need and try to fill it on their own, quoting, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few” (Matthew 9:37). Yet Jesus’ instruction in the very next verse is to pray, not to run ahead (Matthew 9:38). Prayer is the prerequisite. Prayer refines our hearts, transforms our character, and positions us to receive our assignment. The harvest may be ready to reap, but you may not be ready to reap the harvest.

The Church is not a factory to mass-produce ministers. Graduating from a discipleship program or Bible college doesn’t make someone ministry-ready. God does. And He doesn’t rush. If intimacy with God isn’t enough for you, if you feel you must be “doing something” to feel spiritual, then your identity is in ministry, not in Christ. That’s a red flag.

This is exactly what Jesus meant when He said, “I never knew you; depart from me” to people who cast out demons and did mighty works in His name (Matthew 7:21–23). Ministry is not proof of relationship. Intimacy is. If you can’t say with confidence that time alone with God is more fulfilling than ministry, then you are not ready.

And let’s be clear: guilt and compulsion have no place in ministry.

No one should be pressured into serving. Ministry should flow from love, not from duty or obligation. Jesus builds His Church (Matthew 16:18). He doesn’t need us. He chooses to invite us to partner with Him (1 Corinthians 3:9). But He will never do so at the expense of our intimacy with Him. He cares more about being with us than using us.

Even Paul said he was called by the will of God, not man (1 Corinthians 1:1). After Paul encountered Jesus, he didn’t consult anyone. He went into isolation for at least three years (Galatians 1:15–18) before launching into ministry. Jesus’ disciples also walked with Him for roughly three years before launching into ministry. That’s a pattern: intimacy before assignment.

When we minister prematurely, we risk misrepresenting God. Without the fruit of the Spirit, we risk preaching with pride, impatience, or even anger. The Gospel becomes distorted, not because the message is flawed, but because the messenger isn’t ready. Our love for others must match the love described in 1 Corinthians 13. Anything less falls short.

Everyone will know we are Jesus’ disciples by our character, not our ministry. People don’t reject the Gospel nearly as much as they reject poor attitudes, judgmental tones, and unkind Christians. If our demeanor isn’t shaped by the Spirit, our ministry is compromised.

Instead of preaching a pre-determined script, what if we waited for a specific word from the Holy Spirit? A rhema word. A timely word of knowledge for the exact person in front of us (1 Corinthians 12:8). Jesus knows when a heart is ready. The right word at the wrong time is still the wrong word. Ministry should be Spirit-led and season-sensitive. I believe many of the ministries in existence today are significantly less impactful and less powerful than they could be because we simply don’t wait on God’s guidance and timing.

We see the dangers of premature action in Abraham’s story. He was promised a son (Genesis 15:4), but after ten years of waiting, he tried to fulfill the promise his own way. The result? Hagar, Ishmael, and centuries of unnecessary conflict. God’s promises must be fulfilled His way, in His time.

If you’re still asking about your purpose, here it is: intimacy with God. Everything else flows from that. No ministry, no title, no platform is greater. If you don’t know Jesus personally, intimately, then all you’re doing is relaying someone else’s story. If you don’t have intimacy with God right, everything else is failed, subpar “good intentions”. That’s what happened with the sons of Sceva:

They tried to invoke the Jesus Paul preached, but they didn’t know Jesus themselves. And it showed. Ministry without intimacy is dangerous. Many Christians today minister in the name of the Jesus they read about or the Jesus their pastor preached about. These ministers and ministries will never reach their full potential until they put intimacy with God first and foremost. If we are to minister properly, we need to know the Jesus we’re talking about.

A big problem with being “used by God” is that being used by God doesn’t guarantee salvation. God has used unbelievers, pagans, even animals to accomplish His will: Pharaoh, foreign armies, even Balaam’s donkey. Being used by God doesn’t prove relationship. Intimacy does.

Too many Christians have built their identity around ministry. They are “Evangelist so and so” or “Apostle so and so”. You’ve seen it on business cards and Facebook usernames. But what if that ministry was taken away? Would you still know who you are? Sonship is eternal. Ministry is temporary. Ministry is work. Intimacy is rest. At the core of every human being is a desire for relationship and unconditional love. No amount of ministry can fill that desire; only intimacy with God can.

We were not created to be used. We were created to be loved.

The veil was torn to give us access to the Father’s presence. Not so we could work for Him, but so we could be with Him. Ministry cannot replace this. Church cannot replace this. Nothing can. Not even the Great Commission.

Hopefully, this book has stirred a desire in you to experience intimacy with God in new ways, perhaps even for the first time. But knowledge without action is futile. All the previous points and Scriptures are powerful in theory, but how do we put these concepts into practical use?

How to Love God

Since Scripture is our instruction manual, what does it actually instruct us to do when it comes to loving God? Our greatest example, now and always, is Jesus. How did He live while walking the earth? He was constantly praying. He regularly went off by Himself to spend time alone with the Father.

Jesus loved to pray. He prioritized it. If He is our model, we should be approaching prayer the same way, with reverence, discipline, and consistency.

Prayer is communication with God. True communication requires two people to engage. One speaks while the other listens. Then they switch. Many Christians, however, have one-sided conversations with God. We talk, we request, we complain, we thank, and then we close the prayer. Often, our words are rushed or recycled from past prayers. That’s not conversation, it’s monologue. Yes, as Christians our walk with Jesus may start off with one-sided prayers, but we must mature in our prayer lives to the point where we give God time to speak back to us.

There’s a big difference between talking with someone and talking at someone. And sadly, many believers are talking at God rather than with Him. What’s missing is the second half of the conversation: listening. And that requires intentional silence.

We can’t hear God if we’re doing all the talking. Not listening communicates that someone isn’t important, that their words don’t matter. If we truly believe God matters, then we must stop and listen.

God is alive. He has thoughts, emotions, and a voice. He listens. He speaks. He grieves. Jesus came in the flesh to help us connect with a God who is deeply personal.

Jesus knows the human experience. He lived it. And He longs to talk with us often—if we’ll just give Him our time. Christianity becomes religion when we do the works of God without intimacy with God.

Now, imagine a prayer life that isn’t rushed, distracted, or repetitive, but one that’s slow, rich, intentional, and rooted in love. A prayer life where at least half the time is spent listening silently and undistracted. That’s how we love God. By giving Him our full attention. That’s the intimacy He’s after.

Sometimes He speaks. Sometimes He doesn’t. Sometimes His presence alone will be enough. Or He might bring conviction or peace. Whatever the case, just be still. Sit with Him. Enjoy Him.

We do this all the time with people we love. We sit in silence and just enjoy being with them. Why should it be any different with God?

Here are practical steps to help you begin loving God intentionally. These are mere guidelines and not to be taken as law:

1. Set aside a daily, consistent time to be alone with God. Aim for an hour (Matthew 26:40), but it’s more about quality than quantity.
2. Choose a location that you can access daily and that’s free from noise or distractions. It doesn’t have to be a literal closet; just a quiet, dependable space.
3. Remove all distractions: cell phone, TV, computer. God deserves your full attention.
4. Start off with a worship song or two to get your mind focused on God.
5. Speak your heart honestly. Be real. Be thankful. Be vulnerable. Ask God to reveal Himself to you. Let Him know you’re listening.
6. Be still. Be silent. Listen. You might feel His presence. You might hear a clear thought that doesn’t sound like your own. The majority of your prayer time should take place in silence listening. If closing your eyes will help you focus, then go for it.
7. While you’re quiet, you can play soft, instrumental worship music if silence feels too difficult. Avoid music with lyrics, as it can pull your attention away from God.
8. Keep a journal. Write what you sense, feel, or hear during your time with Him. Document your journey.
9. Repeat.

We were created for intimacy with God. It’s why we’re here. And when you learn to consistently enter your prayer closet, shut the door, remove distractions, and listen, you will experience the love of God in ways that words can’t capture and you end up fulfilling the greatest commandment.

Be His child today. Sit at His feet. Let your heart be still. Let Him love on you. And love Him in return. We love God by giving Him our time, our attention, our silence, and our affection.

He’s waiting for you. Let’s go meet Him.